• 6th April
    2014
  • 06
If I were to ask a gay man to marry me and be my gay husband for better or for worse, at sketchy gay bars and at black tie events at the plaza, when I am drunk and making out with a go go boy from that sketchy gay bar and when we are hungover enjoying sunday brunch, and to always help with each other’s makeup it would be this man. Ladies and gays, allow me to introduce to you William. 

His classic good looks, a la George Clooney, have deceived many a straight female over and over thus resulting in instant heartbreak because all the hot guys are gay. And all of those things that I mentioned above have happened with Jake.

He likes to remind me every time he sees me about my exploits with a go go boy that I met while him and I were trolling the gays bars of NYC. I was actually proud that I could even pick up a guy at a gay bar. I think Jake was impressed too. He put all of his desires aside in meeting a boy to make sure that I had a good time with mine. 

You know, another reason to marry your gay husband is because he WILL go with you to your friend’s wedding and actually be excited about it. The pictures above are from that black tie wedding event at the Plaza. We both got ridiculously drunk but all we needed was each other. He was a hit at the table we were sitting at. Everyone loved him, but it’s hard not to love him. 

Oh! And a gay man will rub up on you in the club and not expect anything in return. Actually, he doesn’t even want it. He just wants to dance! 

Jake is also incredibly smart and honest and fun and funny and, did I mention, totally hot! So ladies if you don’t have your gay yet, be patient…there is a soulgay out there for every woman!

If I were to ask a gay man to marry me and be my gay husband for better or for worse, at sketchy gay bars and at black tie events at the plaza, when I am drunk and making out with a go go boy from that sketchy gay bar and when we are hungover enjoying sunday brunch, and to always help with each other’s makeup it would be this man. Ladies and gays, allow me to introduce to you William.

His classic good looks, a la George Clooney, have deceived many a straight female over and over thus resulting in instant heartbreak because all the hot guys are gay. And all of those things that I mentioned above have happened with Jake.

He likes to remind me every time he sees me about my exploits with a go go boy that I met while him and I were trolling the gays bars of NYC. I was actually proud that I could even pick up a guy at a gay bar. I think Jake was impressed too. He put all of his desires aside in meeting a boy to make sure that I had a good time with mine.

You know, another reason to marry your gay husband is because he WILL go with you to your friend’s wedding and actually be excited about it. The pictures above are from that black tie wedding event at the Plaza. We both got ridiculously drunk but all we needed was each other. He was a hit at the table we were sitting at. Everyone loved him, but it’s hard not to love him.

Oh! And a gay man will rub up on you in the club and not expect anything in return. Actually, he doesn’t even want it. He just wants to dance!

Jake is also incredibly smart and honest and fun and funny and, did I mention, totally hot! So ladies if you don’t have your gay yet, be patient…there is a soulgay out there for every woman!

  • 26th March
    2014
  • 26
This is a very good, very tall friend of mine who we shall call Harrison. Hope I haven’t used the name Harrison recently; I don’t think so. When I first met this tall drink of water he was the better half to a girlfriend of mine. Now he is the husband to said girlfriend and they are the coolest two people I’ve ever met. 

He would always tell me that if he hadn’t met his wife, that I’d be his number one pick. Thankfully, his wife is very cool and did not take offense to that. Actually she would agree with him. 

I completely admire that kind of love. They love each other so much that there is total and complete confidence in their relationship. They don’t hide anything from each other. They trust each other. They are honest with each other. They are the kind of young couple that you would look to as the perfect model for a stable relationship and marriage.

I just had to include him because he is such a good guy. And good guys don’t come around; well, they don’t come around me very often (as a friend or otherwise).

This is a very good, very tall friend of mine who we shall call Harrison. Hope I haven’t used the name Harrison recently; I don’t think so. When I first met this tall drink of water he was the better half to a girlfriend of mine. Now he is the husband to said girlfriend and they are the coolest two people I’ve ever met.

He would always tell me that if he hadn’t met his wife, that I’d be his number one pick. Thankfully, his wife is very cool and did not take offense to that. Actually she would agree with him.

I completely admire that kind of love. They love each other so much that there is total and complete confidence in their relationship. They don’t hide anything from each other. They trust each other. They are honest with each other. They are the kind of young couple that you would look to as the perfect model for a stable relationship and marriage.

I just had to include him because he is such a good guy. And good guys don’t come around; well, they don’t come around me very often (as a friend or otherwise).

  • 6th December
    2013
  • 06
So Russell and I hadn’t communicated in any form since December 2010. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, I get a 3AM text from him. This had to be some time in April or May- 4 to 5 months since we exchanged any words in any format. As you can tell from this conversation, it went pretty smoothly. I was calm and collected.
Don’t you love how I try to fain oblivion in saying that I didn’t recognize his number. Ha! Even I found that ridiculous! I tried to end this conversation quickly and without incident because I did not want to get myself upset or drive myself crazy but this was not the end. This was the second beginning of Russell trying to weasel his way back into my life. He would tell you differently. The initiation to be in each other lives again was all on him.
And so unfortunately, this little text exchange did drive me crazy. I sent him an email to let him know that what he did and what he said to me was unacceptable and inappropriate. Especially, given the other incidents in the breakdown of our relationship. He apologized. And I guess he thought that maybe now was a good time for us to be friends. On his terms, did he decide that we could be friends again and I fucking fell for it. I am such a dip-shit, but when it involves matters of the heart you’re going to do shit that you wish you hadn’t.
He begins to call me and text me. I made absolutely sure that I never called him or composed a text to him- only in response. I sure as hell was not going to let my guard down and make myself vulnerable. No thank you!
Come to find that he was in NOLA without his girlfriend. Big surprise! That explains the 3AM text message. Our communications are few and far between. We, of course, get into discussions about things we should not have been talking about- our terrible relationship, what we would do if we were in the same room together again, being friends, etc. I mean basically we shouldn’t have been talking at all.
Also, no big surprise that this possible renewed friendship didn’t last long.

So Russell and I hadn’t communicated in any form since December 2010. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, I get a 3AM text from him. This had to be some time in April or May- 4 to 5 months since we exchanged any words in any format. As you can tell from this conversation, it went pretty smoothly. I was calm and collected.

Don’t you love how I try to fain oblivion in saying that I didn’t recognize his number. Ha! Even I found that ridiculous! I tried to end this conversation quickly and without incident because I did not want to get myself upset or drive myself crazy but this was not the end. This was the second beginning of Russell trying to weasel his way back into my life. He would tell you differently. The initiation to be in each other lives again was all on him.

And so unfortunately, this little text exchange did drive me crazy. I sent him an email to let him know that what he did and what he said to me was unacceptable and inappropriate. Especially, given the other incidents in the breakdown of our relationship. He apologized. And I guess he thought that maybe now was a good time for us to be friends. On his terms, did he decide that we could be friends again and I fucking fell for it. I am such a dip-shit, but when it involves matters of the heart you’re going to do shit that you wish you hadn’t.

He begins to call me and text me. I made absolutely sure that I never called him or composed a text to him- only in response. I sure as hell was not going to let my guard down and make myself vulnerable. No thank you!

Come to find that he was in NOLA without his girlfriend. Big surprise! That explains the 3AM text message. Our communications are few and far between. We, of course, get into discussions about things we should not have been talking about- our terrible relationship, what we would do if we were in the same room together again, being friends, etc. I mean basically we shouldn’t have been talking at all.

Also, no big surprise that this possible renewed friendship didn’t last long.

  • 28th October
    2013
  • 28
Approximately 28 hours after meeting this man, I had a brand new tattoo and he got his weird symbol thing covered up by a HUGE scroll that took over 3 hours. This is James. Here’s how are day, evening, next day and next evening went:
I met James at around happy hour. I was meeting up with my good friend from high-school and her husband and he happened to be part of the group. We hit it off, and it was definitely a friends only vibe. We hadn’t started drinking yet. We started out at a sports bar on Lower Greenville and no doubt hopped around. Things get pretty fuzzy because we got drunk. 
One drink leads to another and we both end up at our married friend’s house. Our hanging out as friends thing turned into an odd, sort of double date. We continue the fun by playing Wii bowling and more drinking. Thankfully our friends had a spare bedroom. James says that he’s ready for sleepy time and he heads to the bedroom. Then, like out of a comedy, he pokes his out of the door and basically orders me to the bedroom. So I look at my friend and I say, “Well, I guess I’m going to bed too.”
The next day we drag ourselves out of bed around 9 AM (which is kind of early, right?) and head to brunch. That’s right, we met on a Saturday and go for Sunday brunch the next morning-ish. We begin drinking again at around 10:30 AM. After all, you can’t have brunch without a bloody mary or a mimosa or both!
I am not sure what encourages us to keep hanging out together, but we keep hanging out together. We somehow got on the topic of wanting to get a tattoo. We talk about what we’d like to get and where we’d like to get it. He shows me his very awkward tattoo that he’s got on his shoulder, which he got when he was drunk. I told him that I had some ideas, but they were ideas I had in high-school and college so now they seemed outdated and silly. Then he suggests that we just do it and go get tattoos and I agree without any hesitance or reluctance. To me it sounded like the greatest idea ever!
You would think that after our first stop at the first tattoo joint we see turns us down that we would have given up, but no. I can’t remember why this place told us no, but we were determined. We would find a tattoo parlor who would give us tattoos if it was the last thing we did! We bide our time by going to Target so I can get some warmer clothes. It was a chilly, rainy day. If I went home then it would have been game over. This was a marathon, people! We go drink some more and eat some more. We end up back on Lower Greenville where this whole shit-show started.
Right across the sports bar where we met was a tattoo parlor called Gizmos. This was the place. They were going to be open late and were willing and able to give us both our tattoos. By now it was about 7 PM. I had decided upon getting a slightly anatomically correct bumblebee and James had already decided that he wanted this philosophical quote that looked like it was written on a scroll. I went first, because well, ladies first. My bumblebee, named George, took all of 30 minutes from the transfer sketch to the final wingtip. James’s tattoo on the other hand…TOOK OVER 3 HOURS! We were in that tattoo parlor till about 12 AM. Even he had no idea what he’d gotten himself into. It took up his entire upper arm. He went from having a 2 inch tattoo to having like an 8 - 10 inch tattoo. He would periodically look up at me and give me a face that read “WTF!!!” It was crazy big, but thankfully it was crazy good in the end.
James and I continued a little fling for a little while, but like all of my romantic-ish relationships I get replaced by an actual girlfriend. James is also kind of a nomad. After a while he moved to Colorado and now, most recently, he’s back in Texas- Austin this time.
And I must conclude by saying that I never thought I would have ever gotten a tattoo while I was drunk, but I got a tattoo while I was drunk. The good part for me is that I don’t regret it. I love George, the bumblebee. So thank you, James!

Approximately 28 hours after meeting this man, I had a brand new tattoo and he got his weird symbol thing covered up by a HUGE scroll that took over 3 hours. This is James. Here’s how are day, evening, next day and next evening went:

I met James at around happy hour. I was meeting up with my good friend from high-school and her husband and he happened to be part of the group. We hit it off, and it was definitely a friends only vibe. We hadn’t started drinking yet. We started out at a sports bar on Lower Greenville and no doubt hopped around. Things get pretty fuzzy because we got drunk. 

One drink leads to another and we both end up at our married friend’s house. Our hanging out as friends thing turned into an odd, sort of double date. We continue the fun by playing Wii bowling and more drinking. Thankfully our friends had a spare bedroom. James says that he’s ready for sleepy time and he heads to the bedroom. Then, like out of a comedy, he pokes his out of the door and basically orders me to the bedroom. So I look at my friend and I say, “Well, I guess I’m going to bed too.”

The next day we drag ourselves out of bed around 9 AM (which is kind of early, right?) and head to brunch. That’s right, we met on a Saturday and go for Sunday brunch the next morning-ish. We begin drinking again at around 10:30 AM. After all, you can’t have brunch without a bloody mary or a mimosa or both!

I am not sure what encourages us to keep hanging out together, but we keep hanging out together. We somehow got on the topic of wanting to get a tattoo. We talk about what we’d like to get and where we’d like to get it. He shows me his very awkward tattoo that he’s got on his shoulder, which he got when he was drunk. I told him that I had some ideas, but they were ideas I had in high-school and college so now they seemed outdated and silly. Then he suggests that we just do it and go get tattoos and I agree without any hesitance or reluctance. To me it sounded like the greatest idea ever!

You would think that after our first stop at the first tattoo joint we see turns us down that we would have given up, but no. I can’t remember why this place told us no, but we were determined. We would find a tattoo parlor who would give us tattoos if it was the last thing we did! We bide our time by going to Target so I can get some warmer clothes. It was a chilly, rainy day. If I went home then it would have been game over. This was a marathon, people! We go drink some more and eat some more. We end up back on Lower Greenville where this whole shit-show started.

Right across the sports bar where we met was a tattoo parlor called Gizmos. This was the place. They were going to be open late and were willing and able to give us both our tattoos. By now it was about 7 PM. I had decided upon getting a slightly anatomically correct bumblebee and James had already decided that he wanted this philosophical quote that looked like it was written on a scroll. I went first, because well, ladies first. My bumblebee, named George, took all of 30 minutes from the transfer sketch to the final wingtip. James’s tattoo on the other hand…TOOK OVER 3 HOURS! We were in that tattoo parlor till about 12 AM. Even he had no idea what he’d gotten himself into. It took up his entire upper arm. He went from having a 2 inch tattoo to having like an 8 - 10 inch tattoo. He would periodically look up at me and give me a face that read “WTF!!!” It was crazy big, but thankfully it was crazy good in the end.

James and I continued a little fling for a little while, but like all of my romantic-ish relationships I get replaced by an actual girlfriend. James is also kind of a nomad. After a while he moved to Colorado and now, most recently, he’s back in Texas- Austin this time.

And I must conclude by saying that I never thought I would have ever gotten a tattoo while I was drunk, but I got a tattoo while I was drunk. The good part for me is that I don’t regret it. I love George, the bumblebee. So thank you, James!

  • 21st September
    2013
  • 21
So I’m pulling at strings now trying to think of guys that are worthy being mentioned. I am not sure if these two guys really should make the cut, but I’m running thin. This is obviously a dry spell point in my life trying to get over Russell and probably just not really feelin’ it when it comes to guys.
Well, this is Thomas (left) and Justin (right). I worked with both of these guys at a seafood restaurant. Thomas I’ve known for quite some time. He and I had a little something, something going but nothing of really importance. He is considerably older than. I am pretty confident that he is a functioning alcoholic, but you love him despite that because he is a very good guy!
And then there’s Justin. A natural born hustler with an extensive fedora collection. He owns and operate his own lawn mowing company and will probably do anything for a dollar. He’s a good guy also, but easily the brunt of jokes which he always takes with stride. No hanky panky with this guy!

So I’m pulling at strings now trying to think of guys that are worthy being mentioned. I am not sure if these two guys really should make the cut, but I’m running thin. This is obviously a dry spell point in my life trying to get over Russell and probably just not really feelin’ it when it comes to guys.

Well, this is Thomas (left) and Justin (right). I worked with both of these guys at a seafood restaurant. Thomas I’ve known for quite some time. He and I had a little something, something going but nothing of really importance. He is considerably older than. I am pretty confident that he is a functioning alcoholic, but you love him despite that because he is a very good guy!

And then there’s Justin. A natural born hustler with an extensive fedora collection. He owns and operate his own lawn mowing company and will probably do anything for a dollar. He’s a good guy also, but easily the brunt of jokes which he always takes with stride. No hanky panky with this guy!

  • 21st September
    2013
  • 21
Goodbye Russell: The End, Part 3
So this was Russell’s response to the events that that terrible June afternoon…a horrible exchange that I still do not get…and again, it’s on GCHAT!! What a douche!
Even over Gchat it is possible to be a bumbling, fumbling asshole (me).
Even over Gchat it is possible for you remember: if you don’t have ANYTHING NICE TO SAY THEN DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL (Russell).
I think I might have been better off, had I never heard from this Pompous Asshole Jerk ever again. I definitely didn’t need this stupid conversation to happen. Unfortunately, this was not the end…Blurgh!
***SHIT! I SPELLED POMPOUS WRONG ON MY SCRIBBLES ON THERE! OOPS!*** (but y’all knew what I meant)

Goodbye Russell: The End, Part 3

So this was Russell’s response to the events that that terrible June afternoon…a horrible exchange that I still do not get…and again, it’s on GCHAT!! What a douche!

Even over Gchat it is possible to be a bumbling, fumbling asshole (me).

Even over Gchat it is possible for you remember: if you don’t have ANYTHING NICE TO SAY THEN DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL (Russell).

I think I might have been better off, had I never heard from this Pompous Asshole Jerk ever again. I definitely didn’t need this stupid conversation to happen. Unfortunately, this was not the end…Blurgh!

***SHIT! I SPELLED POMPOUS WRONG ON MY SCRIBBLES ON THERE! OOPS!*** (but y’all knew what I meant)

  • 10th September
    2013
  • 10
So being that girl who was not going to wallow in the ultimate failure of my relationship with Russell, I went on with my life. I hung out with friends, went to my thank-less job and tried to make the best out of everything. 
One of the friends that I hung out with is this guy, John. He’s a strange fellow but an overall good guy. He had (or maybe still has) a hopeless crush on one of my girlfriends. He never eats in public. He’ll certainly drinks, but never eats. Very girly of him! Ha!
John and I used to work together at this seafood restaurant in Northpark Mall. I am not quite sure of his age, but I think he is considerably older than me and way considerably older than the girl he had this crush on. He makes weird random jokes that don’t quite make sense to anyone but him. He gets easily offended whenever I talk shit about his LSU tigers or New Orleans saints. I hate both of those teams because of Russell and John thinks that it’s stupid for me to hate those teams because of an ex. I strongly disagree and believe my hatered is totally justified.
We made a bet a LONG time ago when LSU played Texas A&M. I can’t remember what the terms where if A&M won, but if LSU won (which they did) I would have to wear his LSU jersey and nothing else to our favorite bar and sing the LSU fight song to everyone at the bar. I still have not followed through on this bet. Ha!

So being that girl who was not going to wallow in the ultimate failure of my relationship with Russell, I went on with my life. I hung out with friends, went to my thank-less job and tried to make the best out of everything. 

One of the friends that I hung out with is this guy, John. He’s a strange fellow but an overall good guy. He had (or maybe still has) a hopeless crush on one of my girlfriends. He never eats in public. He’ll certainly drinks, but never eats. Very girly of him! Ha!

John and I used to work together at this seafood restaurant in Northpark Mall. I am not quite sure of his age, but I think he is considerably older than me and way considerably older than the girl he had this crush on. He makes weird random jokes that don’t quite make sense to anyone but him. He gets easily offended whenever I talk shit about his LSU tigers or New Orleans saints. I hate both of those teams because of Russell and John thinks that it’s stupid for me to hate those teams because of an ex. I strongly disagree and believe my hatered is totally justified.

We made a bet a LONG time ago when LSU played Texas A&M. I can’t remember what the terms where if A&M won, but if LSU won (which they did) I would have to wear his LSU jersey and nothing else to our favorite bar and sing the LSU fight song to everyone at the bar. I still have not followed through on this bet. Ha!

  • 9th September
    2013
  • 09

So I had the whole flight and about a day to really calm down, gather my thoughts and begin the healing process from Russell. This is not something that I liked seeing in myself and I was not about to become that girl who wallows in her depression of a failed relationship. I am not sure how much of a good idea this was but I wrote Russell a love/I-know-I-have-to-move-on-letter-but-just-know-that-you’ve-given-me-a-broken-heart-letter.

Re-reading this letter again after about 3 years, I cannot believe how many times I said those three little words. I was a fucking gushy, mushy wimp in this letter. I know that love is supposed to be grand and wonderful and beautiful, but sometimes I think it makes people, namely me, look and feel like the biggest asshole- especially when it ends in a bad way.

Of course, I couldn’t let you see the whole letter. I do want to spare some of my dignity, but I’ve let you see a few choice lines. Maybe not full transparency of my heart but this is as close as I could get.

  • 7th September
    2013
  • 07
Goodbye Russell: The End, Part 2
So back in April Russell has already given me the “oh-so-kind” courtesy of telling me over Gchat that he had a girlfriend. I already had my next trip booked to NYC for later that summer in June. During my tearful typing, I thought I had made it very clear to him that I would not be able to see him while I was there. It would just be too hard for me. 
"I’m gonna have to go for a little while…….." "Guess I won’t be seeing you in June."
I don’t know how much clearer I could have been, but what did this genius do? He actually texted me while I was in town and invited me to his birthday party that his girlfriend was throwing for him. Are you fucking kidding me? What blue-blooded American male would invite his recent ex-girlfriend to his birthday party that his new, current girlfriend is throwing for him?
I imagined it a couple of ways if I had gone: 
     I might have snuck in and hid in a corner just to see how unattractive the new girl was. Have a shot of whiskey and then leave.
     I might have thrown on a super sexy outfit and made sure I looked killer, shown up, walked right up to his girlfriend and introduce myself as his ex and that we used to have tons of sex all over his apartment (would have been sorta true).
    I might have shown up in that killer outfit and just either punched him in the neck, slapped him across his face or kneed him in the balls. Or all three.
None of those things happened, unfortunately. I just said “No, thanks.” But seriously what was his major malfunction in inviting me to this party? Any normal break up would have concluded with the traditional separation rituals in which you don’t talk, don’t see each other and certainly don’t try to orchestrate an introduction between you and his new girlfriend. That simple text invitation slowly started to drive me crazy and then I did end up doing something crazy.
On my last day I asked to see him and just talk with him really quickly. I only needed 30 minutes. I was already going to do something crazy (but on the spectrum of crazy, this one would have only registered as a .5 or 1 on the crazy Richter scale) and just tell him that I loved him and that it really upset me that he didn’t respect my wishes to not see or talk to him while I was trying to get over him. Receiving his birthday party invitation came at the worse time possible and that I couldn’t quite understand why he would do that. 
Well so at first he agreed to see me during his lunch break at work and then moments later he changed his mind and said that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Oh! Now, he doesn’t want to see me, but it would have been totally fine at his party. What an ass!! So with this swift change in mind, it started a change in me. I became that girl that I never wanted to become…
I started to text him constantly, repeatedly, and then I did the worst thing possible. I went to his place of work and asked to see him. I think he instructed the receptionist to tell me that he wasn’t there. I was very calm and just asked if she could let him know that I dropped by. Then I went back to texting and I might have even called him. I can’t remember. I told him that I would go to Brooklyn and wait for him at his apartment. Of course at this point he is ignoring me, but I just couldn’t really understand why he changed his mind. It LITERALLY DROVE ME CRAZY!!
I did not go to Brooklyn, thank goodness. I was talked down off the ledge; although thinking back I might have already jumped given what I had just done. Nonetheless, I went back to my friend’s apartment which was a safe distance from his place on the Upper East Side Island of Manhattan. I was a wreck. I had such a wonderful trip up until that point and I ruined it by going crazy. I’m sure he’d be thrilled to read that because it takes all of the onus off him and completely on me, but I do place a lot of the blame on him. I’ll go back to what I thought was my clear request for us to just cut the cord:
     "I’m gonna have to go for a little while…….." "Guess I won’t be seeing you in June."
Is that not clear? It’s like they say on MTV’s Girl Code: Girls are not crazy, we don’t do crazy things. It’s guys who make us crazy and make us do crazy things.” I’m going to have to go with Girl Code on this one and yes, I’m going to do it: I place full blame on Russell for this one.

Goodbye Russell: The End, Part 2

So back in April Russell has already given me the “oh-so-kind” courtesy of telling me over Gchat that he had a girlfriend. I already had my next trip booked to NYC for later that summer in June. During my tearful typing, I thought I had made it very clear to him that I would not be able to see him while I was there. It would just be too hard for me. 

"I’m gonna have to go for a little while…….." "Guess I won’t be seeing you in June."

I don’t know how much clearer I could have been, but what did this genius do? He actually texted me while I was in town and invited me to his birthday party that his girlfriend was throwing for him. Are you fucking kidding me? What blue-blooded American male would invite his recent ex-girlfriend to his birthday party that his new, current girlfriend is throwing for him?

I imagined it a couple of ways if I had gone: 

     I might have snuck in and hid in a corner just to see how unattractive the new girl was. Have a shot of whiskey and then leave.

     I might have thrown on a super sexy outfit and made sure I looked killer, shown up, walked right up to his girlfriend and introduce myself as his ex and that we used to have tons of sex all over his apartment (would have been sorta true).

    I might have shown up in that killer outfit and just either punched him in the neck, slapped him across his face or kneed him in the balls. Or all three.

None of those things happened, unfortunately. I just said “No, thanks.” But seriously what was his major malfunction in inviting me to this party? Any normal break up would have concluded with the traditional separation rituals in which you don’t talk, don’t see each other and certainly don’t try to orchestrate an introduction between you and his new girlfriend. That simple text invitation slowly started to drive me crazy and then I did end up doing something crazy.

On my last day I asked to see him and just talk with him really quickly. I only needed 30 minutes. I was already going to do something crazy (but on the spectrum of crazy, this one would have only registered as a .5 or 1 on the crazy Richter scale) and just tell him that I loved him and that it really upset me that he didn’t respect my wishes to not see or talk to him while I was trying to get over him. Receiving his birthday party invitation came at the worse time possible and that I couldn’t quite understand why he would do that. 

Well so at first he agreed to see me during his lunch break at work and then moments later he changed his mind and said that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Oh! Now, he doesn’t want to see me, but it would have been totally fine at his party. What an ass!! So with this swift change in mind, it started a change in me. I became that girl that I never wanted to become…

I started to text him constantly, repeatedly, and then I did the worst thing possible. I went to his place of work and asked to see him. I think he instructed the receptionist to tell me that he wasn’t there. I was very calm and just asked if she could let him know that I dropped by. Then I went back to texting and I might have even called him. I can’t remember. I told him that I would go to Brooklyn and wait for him at his apartment. Of course at this point he is ignoring me, but I just couldn’t really understand why he changed his mind. It LITERALLY DROVE ME CRAZY!!

I did not go to Brooklyn, thank goodness. I was talked down off the ledge; although thinking back I might have already jumped given what I had just done. Nonetheless, I went back to my friend’s apartment which was a safe distance from his place on the Upper East Side Island of Manhattan. I was a wreck. I had such a wonderful trip up until that point and I ruined it by going crazy. I’m sure he’d be thrilled to read that because it takes all of the onus off him and completely on me, but I do place a lot of the blame on him. I’ll go back to what I thought was my clear request for us to just cut the cord:

     "I’m gonna have to go for a little while…….." "Guess I won’t be seeing you in June."

Is that not clear? It’s like they say on MTV’s Girl Code: Girls are not crazy, we don’t do crazy things. It’s guys who make us crazy and make us do crazy things.” I’m going to have to go with Girl Code on this one and yes, I’m going to do it: I place full blame on Russell for this one.

  • 23rd May
    2013
  • 23
I had worked in tandem with this gentleman for an entire year while I was working at a particular men’s magazine.  I was the Photo Coordinator and he was the videographer.  Basically he would schedule a camera guy to be on set to shoot b-roll of our feature and cover shoots.  I never met him face to face.  We only communicated via email.  If my memory serves me correctly he even worked in the NYC office with me.  So interesting.  
It wasn’t after I had been laid off, moved back to Texas and had come back for a visit that I finally met him face to face.  We were both surprised that we had never met yet we were able to successfully work together for a whole year.  Very good guy, this one!

I had worked in tandem with this gentleman for an entire year while I was working at a particular men’s magazine.  I was the Photo Coordinator and he was the videographer.  Basically he would schedule a camera guy to be on set to shoot b-roll of our feature and cover shoots.  I never met him face to face.  We only communicated via email.  If my memory serves me correctly he even worked in the NYC office with me.  So interesting.  

It wasn’t after I had been laid off, moved back to Texas and had come back for a visit that I finally met him face to face.  We were both surprised that we had never met yet we were able to successfully work together for a whole year.  Very good guy, this one!

  • 8th May
    2013
  • 08
So I am calling this “Goodbye Russell: The End Part 1”
Like all true volatile relationships, there is always more than one final goodbye.  It seemed like shortly after my return from our very happy, very lovely NYC NYE time together, things started feeling weird and off.  Hindsight is always 20/20, because I really should have seen this coming.
April 2010:
I remember a very specific conversation that took place at my friend’s bachlorette party.  It was a late night call.  A slightly drunk call, but I figured it was ok…expected even.  He seemed a little distracted and quiet.  For Russell to be quiet should have sounded some alarms, but I thought maybe he…well I don’t really know what I thought.  I do remember thinking it was weird.  He abruptly asked if he could call me back and never did.  A few days later he admitted to me that he had acquired a girlfriend.  What the what???  I did not handle it very well at all.  On top of hearing the worst possible news at that point in my life, Russell didn’t even tell me over the phone.  This all took place on Gchat.  And I allowed it to happen!  Ugh!  What a fucking coward.
Your heart remembers where all of it’s breaks are and it still makes me mad and upset to think about the method in which he decides to tell me he’s moved on.  Apparently, I did not even warrant a phone call.

So I am calling this “Goodbye Russell: The End Part 1

Like all true volatile relationships, there is always more than one final goodbye.  It seemed like shortly after my return from our very happy, very lovely NYC NYE time together, things started feeling weird and off.  Hindsight is always 20/20, because I really should have seen this coming.

April 2010:

I remember a very specific conversation that took place at my friend’s bachlorette party.  It was a late night call.  A slightly drunk call, but I figured it was ok…expected even.  He seemed a little distracted and quiet.  For Russell to be quiet should have sounded some alarms, but I thought maybe he…well I don’t really know what I thought.  I do remember thinking it was weird.  He abruptly asked if he could call me back and never did.  A few days later he admitted to me that he had acquired a girlfriend.  What the what???  I did not handle it very well at all.  On top of hearing the worst possible news at that point in my life, Russell didn’t even tell me over the phone.  This all took place on Gchat.  And I allowed it to happen!  Ugh!  What a fucking coward.

Your heart remembers where all of it’s breaks are and it still makes me mad and upset to think about the method in which he decides to tell me he’s moved on.  Apparently, I did not even warrant a phone call.

  • 8th May
    2013
  • 08
And this right here is Bobby Shaw.  No need to hide this man’s identity.  I created a blog just for him (and his friend, Andrew, the Princess).  He the most excellent storyteller.  I am not quite sure if you can believe all of his stories, but they are very entertaining.  He’s a good ol’ southern boy from Lubbock, Texas.  
He’s a career bartender with a musical background.  He used to play on the patio of the restaurant we both worked at during the spring months.  You know, I hated working in the service industry which was no secret.  I was always scheduled the Monday morning lunch shift, which if you hate the service industry, is quite possibly the worst shift ever to work.  HOWEVER!  I worked Monday lunches with this man.  He was literally my bright and shining silver lining to working that horrible day.
He was also in a band called Sweetleaf.  I have their album.
He also wrote a book about the less than 24 hours the Beatles spent in Dallas, Texas.  He says it’s fully written and needs to be edited and have some images added to it.
Here are some of his gems:
"Feels good to have another woman crawling around the bed that’s not my dog, Willow."
"I’m crazy, but I’m a normal crazy."
Bobby Shaw: I need to find someone.
Patrick: Why’s that Bobby Shaw?
Bobby Shaw: I need to make sure my stuff works.

"I know me…I’ll leak."

And this right here is Bobby Shaw.  No need to hide this man’s identity.  I created a blog just for him (and his friend, Andrew, the Princess).  He the most excellent storyteller.  I am not quite sure if you can believe all of his stories, but they are very entertaining.  He’s a good ol’ southern boy from Lubbock, Texas.  

He’s a career bartender with a musical background.  He used to play on the patio of the restaurant we both worked at during the spring months.  You know, I hated working in the service industry which was no secret.  I was always scheduled the Monday morning lunch shift, which if you hate the service industry, is quite possibly the worst shift ever to work.  HOWEVER!  I worked Monday lunches with this man.  He was literally my bright and shining silver lining to working that horrible day.

He was also in a band called Sweetleaf.  I have their album.

He also wrote a book about the less than 24 hours the Beatles spent in Dallas, Texas.  He says it’s fully written and needs to be edited and have some images added to it.

Here are some of his gems:

"Feels good to have another woman crawling around the bed that’s not my dog, Willow."

"I’m crazy, but I’m a normal crazy."

  • Bobby Shaw: I need to find someone.
  • Patrick: Why’s that Bobby Shaw?
  • Bobby Shaw: I need to make sure my stuff works.


"I know me…I’ll leak."

  • 6th February
    2013
  • 06
HI!  It is so good to be back and I can’t imagine a greater return in the new year with anyone else but this man!  I think I can call him a man.  I’ll just introduce him as The Princess.  
I used to work this awful restaurant job, but it was offset by this gentleman.  I firmly believe that he is way above and beyond average intelligence.  So far beyond, in fact, that when you first meet him you might think he’s retarded.  He is the type of guy that you wish you could climb inside his head and see what exactly goes on in there.  He should donate his brain to science when he dies.
He’s told more than a few stories about willing getting into the trunks of cars in order to avoid entrance fees into venues and events.  These stories would always have a line something to the effect of that he would hope and wish that he would be let out of the trunk.  
He’s a compulsive gambler and has a super-di-duper soft spot of all living creatures.  He liked to feed the turtles and ducks that were in the pond inside the mall and he would always visit the catfish at this pond near his apartment.  He would feed them all dog good.  
He was so funny and quick-witted that he inspired me to start another blog (The Adventures of Bobby S___ and A_____, The Princess).  
Here are some select gems:
"My boys are ready!  Are your ovaries?"
Me: “Andrew, we don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth!”  Andrew: “What if it came out of my ass?”
"Men are simple. All we need is a horse track within 20 miles, a cannabis plantation, and Billy in exile."

Ps. Bobby S___ will be in the next post to follow.

HI!  It is so good to be back and I can’t imagine a greater return in the new year with anyone else but this man!  I think I can call him a man.  I’ll just introduce him as The Princess.  

I used to work this awful restaurant job, but it was offset by this gentleman.  I firmly believe that he is way above and beyond average intelligence.  So far beyond, in fact, that when you first meet him you might think he’s retarded.  He is the type of guy that you wish you could climb inside his head and see what exactly goes on in there.  He should donate his brain to science when he dies.

He’s told more than a few stories about willing getting into the trunks of cars in order to avoid entrance fees into venues and events.  These stories would always have a line something to the effect of that he would hope and wish that he would be let out of the trunk.  

He’s a compulsive gambler and has a super-di-duper soft spot of all living creatures.  He liked to feed the turtles and ducks that were in the pond inside the mall and he would always visit the catfish at this pond near his apartment.  He would feed them all dog good.  

He was so funny and quick-witted that he inspired me to start another blog (The Adventures of Bobby S___ and A_____, The Princess).  

Here are some select gems:

"My boys are ready!  Are your ovaries?"

Me: “Andrew, we don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth!”  Andrew: “What if it came out of my ass?”

"Men are simple. All we need is a horse track within 20 miles, a cannabis plantation, and Billy in exile."


Ps. Bobby S___ will be in the next post to follow.

  • 22nd October
    2012
  • 22
So after I’d moved back completely to Dallas I began to reconnect with old friends who introduced me to new friends.  
Russell and I were still talking at this time.  We were actually talking everyday and communicating multiple times a day via text, gchat, etc.  
Anyway, this was a new friend who I met through an old friend.  His name is Charles.  There were rumors that he had a crush on me but I couldn’t really tell.  He was cute, not really my type but a good guy nonetheless.  Nothing ever happened between us so I can’t really confirm the crush or not.  

So after I’d moved back completely to Dallas I began to reconnect with old friends who introduced me to new friends.  

Russell and I were still talking at this time.  We were actually talking everyday and communicating multiple times a day via text, gchat, etc.  

Anyway, this was a new friend who I met through an old friend.  His name is Charles.  There were rumors that he had a crush on me but I couldn’t really tell.  He was cute, not really my type but a good guy nonetheless.  Nothing ever happened between us so I can’t really confirm the crush or not.  

  • 4th October
    2012
  • 04

PROOF that Russell truly did not mind that I was putting his recordings out there in the interwebs-universe. What a joke and an ass!

  • Russell: the link in your tweet doesn't work
  • me: i know i deleted it
  • Russell: what was it?
  • me: none of your business
  • Russell: damn! reowr (pissed-off cat noise)
  • me: haha
  • you know what it was or else you wouldn't have asked...
  • Russell: i saw the title and was like, "she DIDN'T." but then i was like "adam, stop being so goddamn full of yourself. she might be talking about donovan"
  • me: who's donovan???
  • Russell: but you see, that would have been fine because you did it and didn't say who i was, so if somebody thought it was good, i could have been like "seriously, i'm totally the shit"